As I continue to read Drama Free by Nedra Glover Tawwab, I am realizing just how tedious this journey of healing while surrounded by my family can be. While reading this book I am feeling a myriad of emotions. Joy, exhaustion, hopelessness, optimism, patience, peace, loneliness and even frustration. I began reading in September and I am still on the journey of completing the book. I usually task myself with finish a book in at least a month but I believe the energetic contribution I am making to the work of healing within my family, is taking time. It is a sign to me that I should not try and rush this process and to honor the path I am taking to improve how I show up in my family dynamic.
During a conversation with my therapist a few weeks ago, I mentioned to her how “the veil has been lifted” in regards to how I perceive the people in my family and my relationship to them. She reminded me that I will never be able to go back to things as they were. Much of this veil lifting happened during a time when I am in the midst of my own transition with how I show up in my family of origin. A key statement that Tawabb makes that has helped me navigate the complexity of perceiving my family as they are rather than who I hope they would be was when she wrote:
“Perhaps the only way to love certain family members and be well is to love them from a distance. In doing this, youre choosing self-preservation and self-love. It isn’t an uncomplicated choice, but it might be the healthiest one for you.”
One of the difficult things to navigate in this season is how to be in relationship with my family as I heal from the ways in which I have been hurt by them or the disappointment I feel from unmet expectations. As I navigate the relationships changing shape, I also grow to be more appreciative towards myself as I face these very difficult dynamics. I am consistently reminded to be gentle with myself and be kind with myself as I experience my evolution.
I appreciate that the healing portion of the book includes exercise that assist in navigating what it means to be as Alex Elle says, the matriarch of healing for my family. Although it is not a responsibility I asked for, if I want to see healing travel through my family, I must begin the journey.