Returning to the Practice with "Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships" by Nedra Glover Tawwab
This year has come with a slew of experiences that I was not expecting. As a result, my reading practice suffered. But I am glad to be back on this journey and reading again. Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships by Nedra Glover Tawwab has been a gift to read in this season of my life. It has provided me with the opportunity to reflect on my own family dynamics and how they have played a role in my upbringing and viewpoint of myself.
In section one of the book she focuses on unlearning dysfunction. In this season of my life, I am learning how codependency and generational trauma has affected my relationship with those in my family. Throughout part one, Tawwab is intentional about the sharing the gentle reminder that “adulthood gives us the opportunity to change our narrative.” I am grateful for this reassurance because there are times when family of origin can feel so ingrained in me that I don’t believe I have the capacity to blaze my own trail. But the truth is I do.
Codependency and Enmeshment is one of the chapters that resonated most with me. This chapter gave me an opportunity to understand my family dynamic better and the ways I contribute to the codependency tendencies. Oftentimes in our families we are enmeshed and codependent but labeling it as support. This book is teaching me that support looks more like autonomy than control. Like boundaries and respect.
I am learning in part one that I must be intentional about the way I am showing up for my family. I have to take inventory of the ways I am enabling family members and contributing to an unhealthy family dynamic. But it hasn’t been an easy self audit to complete. Still, it is necessary.
Nearing the end of part one, Tawwab leaves her readers with an affirmation for overcoming any shame associated with inherited family trauma that I hold close to my heart.
I am not a product of my environment. I am a product of the choices I make right now. Sometimes, those choices are influenced by my environment. However, I have a choice in deciding who I want to be. I can be different from my environment. This will not be easy, but I can do it.
Nedra Glover Tawwab’s words in Drama Free are a gentle reminder that as we navigate complicated family relationships, we have within us the will to make a new choice. As I enter into part two of the book, appropriately titled “Healing, I am reminded that healing is my responsibility and it is for more than just me. I can be, as Alex Elle says, the matriarch of healing my family. It is possible. It is so.